


Feels Like Home

by sunshineflying



Series: tshaw and evie [7]
Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 16:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4883506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of my tshaw & evie verse.</p><p>After Nick tried to fix things for Louis and Evie, he and Louis have been on rocky ground. Seeing out help in their closest friends, Nick and Louis end up gravitating toward each other once again, and they try to work back to the place they'd been in when Ollie was born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feels Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for sticking with this series!
> 
> Hopefully this installment puts you all at ease, and I appreciate your feedback. There will be three more fics in this series, coming up when I have a chance to write them. It's a crazy semester that I'm in the middle of! 
> 
> Thanks as always to my lovely Britpick and beta Jen, as well as Laura and Kara this time around for helping to put me at ease about the plot. This series would be nothing without you guys!

When Harry receives a text from Nick asking when he’s going to come back to London, and a second immediately after with a picture of pouty Ollie captioned “when is uncle Harry visiting?” and a third text with nothing but a photo of pouty Nick, he figures something’s up.

_give me two days! you alright?_

Harry sends the text off to Nick, chewing on his lower lip in confusion, because usually Nick hasn’t got the time to send off photos because he’s got Louis and work and _kids_ now. Harry’s still getting used to the thought.

Nick sends back nothing but a photo of him holding little Ollie on his lap. He’s giving the thumbs up and Ollie is smiling sleepily, but Nick looks anything but happy.

Harry’s grateful he’s flying out so soon to London out of LAX. Nick needs him, clearly.

Things with Nick and Louis are strained, but they’re doing their best, Nick supposes. Evie won’t let go of Louis unless she absolutely has to, and Nick ends up taking care of Ollie most of the time. They sit on the sofa as a family and watch whatever Evie asks, and they try to keep things as normal as possible. Nick is feeling so distanced from Louis, even though things have supposedly been talked through.

“So this weekend Liam, Niall, and I have got plans. Sophia offered to watch the kids, but two babies is a lot,” Louis says as they’re climbing into bed. “D’you have anything on this weekend?”

“Harry’s in town, we’re going to hang out,” Nick says as he switches off his lamp. Their conversation feels cold, stilted. He hates it. “I can take Ollie with me, Harry’d love that. D’you think Sophia would be alright just having Evie for the weekend? Some proper girls time for them?”

Nick thinks it’s important, having Sophia around, because Evie’s got to have some sort of female figure to look up to. He knows plenty, having so many female friends, but he’s worried that maybe it’s different, like Evie would rather speak to a woman than he or Louis.

“That should work, yeah,” Louis replies.

 

Louis lies on his own side of the bed, a choked up, tight feeling in his chest as he realizes the full weight of what he’s done. He hears the sadness in Nick’s voice, sees the way his smile never quite reaches his eyes anymore – he’d even heard Fiona asking Nick on the radio that morning if he was alright, because he sounded so down.

He’s never felt so off-kilter in his life. Usually he’s got things on point. He knows how to keep things under control and keep his worries in check, for the most part. He has to be strong because he’s the oldest child and it’s his job. But he feels like he’s got nothing pulled together or under control, and he most certainly doesn’t feel _strong_.

\----

“I feel like I’m drowning.”

He looks up at Liam as they sit on the floor of Niall’s flat, each with a bottle of beer in hand as they relax in his lounge. Niall’s leaning against the sofa, his legs out in a wide V in front of him, and Liam’s got his legs crossed as he sits against the love seat. Louis is in the center of the floor, nothing to lean on, with his knees to his chest. He looks so little as he confesses it, tells them how he feels.

“How so?” Liam asks gently.

Neither Liam or Niall really knows what’s been going through Louis’s head lately – or at all. He’s been so wrapped up in his quickly developing family with Nick that all they’ve really had time to discuss has been their individual projects or their families. Getting down to the root of it all with Louis isn’t as easy now as it once was.

“There’s so much happening,” Louis says. He scoffs derisively and says, “I’m twenty-nine bloody years old. I should have my shit together.”

“Nick didn’t have his shit together when he was your age,” Niall says with a bit of a laugh.

“He was better off than I am now,” Louis says. “He had a job. A social life. He was happy.”

“You’re not happy?” Liam asks, that confused puppy look on his face. Louis doesn’t understand how Liam can still look so young and naïve, like the day they first met. He’s in his middle twenties now and shouldn’t look so young.

Louis shrugs noncommittally. He doesn’t know what he is anymore, and he hates it. It’s unsettling and leaves a weary feeling in his bones, like he’s got even more to worry about than he already has.

“Everything’s so complicated. And stressful,” Louis whines.

“More stressful than touring?” Niall asks. “That really took it out of us.”

Louis sighs. He takes a few moments to find his words. “It’s just… Briana’s decided she doesn’t want to have contact with Evie anymore,” Louis begins. “Which… she was really bent up about it. But she’s got her career and says she doesn’t feel that _maternal instinct_ or whatever, and she’s all the way out in LA and doesn’t want Evie to hurt if she can help it, and…”

Liam frowns and Niall reaches out to pat Louis’s foot, the closest thing in reach. Louis looks up at him and Niall’s blue eyes are comforting and warm as he asks, “You alright with that? And Evie?”

Louis shrugs. “Doesn’t matter, does it? Briana’s made her decision.”

“It matters,” Niall says, and Liam chimes in, “Of course it matters.” Both of them are frowning as they watch Louis.

“When did this happen?” Liam asks.

“Like, a few days ago,” Louis says. “Nick called her because Evie was upset over not having a trip to LA this summer and next thing I know, Briana’s saying she doesn’t want a part in Evie’s life, for now.”

Liam looks angry as he says, “I don’t even know where to start with this. I just…” he’s red faced and stammering over his words, and Niall looks hesitant.

“You said Nick called her, and then she told you this?” Niall asks. Louis nods. “Do you think he told her to say it or something?”

Louis looks sadly at Niall, and then over at Liam, and he shrugs but shakes his head. He looks the most unsure they’ve seen him in a long time. “It sounds like he did,” Niall offers. “He could’ve.”

“Nick wouldn’t do that though, would he?” Liam wonders.

They’re both watching Louis, who’s still got his arms wrapped around his knees. “Is it really shit of me to say that I don’t think he would, but I don’t know for sure?” Louis asks, as timid as they’ve ever seen him. “Because like… he really loves Evie. Like _really_ loves her. As soon as she’s crying he’s trying to fix whatever it is that’s upset her. He bloody _adopted_ her.”

“I don’t know,” Liam says hesitantly. “I can’t see him doing that. He knows how much Evie loves her mum. He’s always seemed like he really respects their relationship.”

Louis sighs. “I know. That’s why I’m so confused, Liam.”

Niall sets his empty beer bottle on the coffee table and scoots over to Louis. He puts an arm around his shoulders and says, “Is that all this is about? Nick calling Briana?”

With a shake of his head, Louis says, “No… not exactly.”

“What else is there?” Liam wonders. He looks worried now, like he’s not been a good enough friend to Louis or something, what with Louis bottling everything up.

“There’s so much happening. The band’s not doing a reunion this year like we thought we would, and I’m done on the X-Factor, and work’s so _boring_ and I’m bloody _engaged_ and I’ve got two kids and I feel like all of a sudden I’ve gone from being one of the lads to being boring and _old_. And on top of that I’ve got to get Evie ready for primary school and it feels like just yesterday she was an infant and now she’s going off to school! Like, uniforms and a backpack and everything!” Louis wails. He prattled on and on until he had no breath left and when he looks up at Liam, he sees in his eyes that he gets it.

The room is silent as it all weighs down on them, and then Niall breaks the silence by asking, “You’re engaged?”

Louis holds up his hand, the perfect, shiny silver band still on his finger.

“Louis… you have to apologize,” Liam says softly. “I know it’s one of your least favourite things in the world, but you’ve got to. Nick’s only trying to help. And I don’t think he would have told Briana to cut ties with Evie. I think he was just trying to look out for her. For both of you.”

“That’s what he said he was doing,” Louis offers, like it’s trivial information.

Niall rubs Louis’s back and says, “I can see why you’re upset, but you’re taking it out on Nick and you shouldn’t be.”

Louis huffs. Liam studies Louis for a minute before he asks, “Has Nick said anything to you? Like… about all this?”

Frowning deeply, Louis shakes his head. “I mean, he argued back when I yelled at him but other than that, no,” Louis shrugs. “He’s been trying to keep it together for the kids.”

“Has Evie picked up on anything?” Liam asks nervously.

“I don’t think so,” Louis replies. He picks at some fuzz on his sweatpants and takes a deep breath. “Why do I always do this? Every time things are all sorted with Nick, I go and fuck it all up.”

Niall hugs Louis to his chest and says, “Not our fault you’re a little emotionally unavailable.”

“You’re one to talk!” Louis protests, a burst of laughter coming out as he shoves at Niall’s chest.

Liam smiles as he watches them, and he says, “You’ve got to go home and talk to Nick. Really sit him down and explain how you’re feeling and… again, you need to _apologize_.”

Louis frowns and looks down at his sweatpants like they’re the most interesting thing in the world as he asks softly, “What if he doesn’t want me back?”

“You haven’t even lost him,” Liam reassures him. “You’d know, if you had. He loves you, clearly.”

Niall nods and hugs Louis closer to him. “Yeah, and you get to _marry_ him, mate. That’s amazing. I’m really happy for you.”

Louis looks down at the ring on his finger with unease. If only it still felt that simple.

\----

Nick is beyond relieved when Harry shows up. He’s missed him, missed having more of a social life, and while he’s been able to chat with Finchy and Fiona at work, it’s nice having someone outside of work – someone whose schedule still matches up with his. Harry wraps him up in a big, warm hug, and Nick melts into it. Harry’s the sort of guy whose hugs could probably cure anything, they’re so full of adoration. It lasts a few moments longer than is entirely proper, but they’re friends and they’ve not seen each other in a long while. It feels good.

“It’s good to see you,” Harry says, patting Nick on the back.

Nick breathes out and whispers, “You too. I’ve missed you, popstar.”

When they break, Nick feels relieved as he takes a good look at Harry. He’s tanned, probably because of all of those outdoor parties in LA. He’s over there more than he’s in London now, and he’s been doing a lot of work with television and music. Nick’s proud of him, though part of him knows how disappointed Louis has felt lately, what with the timing not working out for a One Direction reunion. Harry’s success was a large part of why it didn’t happen.

“Where is he? Can I meet him?” Harry asks, a bright smile on his face as he peeks over Nick’s shoulder.

And that’s when it hits Nick that Ollie’s been alive for nine months now, and has yet to meet Harry. Ollie’s in his bouncy chair facing the telly where CBeebies is on, and he’s watching contentedly as he chews on a teething ring. He’s growing every day, and Nick’s so amazed watching it happen before his very eyes. Ollie’s eyes are sparkling blue, just like Louis’s and Evie’s, but he’s got Nick’s face, they can tell already, and his dark hair is starting to grow in atop his head, finally.

He’s properly dressed for the occasion, though usually Nick just puts Ollie in a warm BabyGro for the day. In preparation for Harry’s visit, Nick’s put Ollie in a cute white shirt with little zoo animals printed all over it, and with that he’s wearing some black leggings and little white socks. He’s indifferent to it, of course, but Nick thought it would be fun, and besides that, dressing Ollie up helps distract him. He has fun with it.

“Oh Nick, he’s so cute!” Harry says as he wanders over.

Still as lanky and long-legged as ever, Harry kneels down and reaches out for Ollie. He shakes his little hand with just two of his fingers and says, “Hello there, Oliver. What a handsome boy you are.”

Nick follows Harry into the lounge and watches, feeling better just by having company and warm conversation. “You can hold him if you’d like,” Nick says. “He’s just been fed and changed so he’s all set for plenty of cuddles.”

Nick’s barely finished speaking before Harry’s unbuckling Ollie’s seat and picking him up. Ollie loves being held and cuddled, and he takes to strangers quite well. Nick remembers how Evie was a bit shy when they’d first met – Ollie certainly doesn’t have that same quality.

Harry sits down on the sofa with Ollie in his lap, and he smiles and hands him toys as Nick takes a seat next to him. “So, let’s hear it then,” Harry prompts. “What’s happened?”

So Nick explains everything. He’s needed to let it all out, to share every sad detail without worrying whether someone’s going to try to come to Louis’s defense. Nick knows this isn’t how he should be treated, knows something’s going on in Louis’s head that he’s not being told about. Or at least, he hopes Louis would never intentionally do this to him.

Nick’s eyes are wet by the time he finishes but he doesn’t cry – he won’t cry. Instead he just leans over and puts his finger in Ollie’s tiny fist. Physical contact with Ollie does wonders for cheering him up.

“You need to stand up for yourself more,” Harry advises, his voice soft and gentle. “I know you don’t want to fight in front of the kids but you need to tell Louis that what he’s doing isn’t okay. I love him, but… he’s got to be honest with you and you’ve got to be honest right back.”

Nick sighs and pats Ollie’s head as he says, “What if he’s changed his mind on all of this? There were enough headlines when Ollie was born about how I’m inevitably going to end up alone because I’m not the monogamous type.”

“You know as well as I do that the tabloids are crap,” Harry says firmly.

Nick looks at Harry and says, completely honestly, “Ever since this thing with Louis started, I’ve felt like this was too good to be true. Like I’m going to end up all alone when it’s all over because this is all more than I ever expected for myself.”

“Just because Louis is in a rough spot doesn’t mean he can treat you this way and make you feel like you’re going to lose it all,” Harry says. “He said yes to your proposal for a reason – and I’m still upset you didn’t tell me you were going to propose but that’s a discussion for another day – and you guys have a family so clearly he loves you. Something else is happening.”

Nick frowns. “It’s just sort of shit,” he confesses. “That after three years he still doesn’t totally trust me. That he thinks I’d do something to hurt them.”

Harry looks sympathetic and passes Ollie over to Nick, sensing that he needs the security. Ollie curls up against Nick’s chest, like he’s grown accustomed to snuggling up to Nick whenever Nick’s holding him out of some instinct, like he knows Nick needs the comfort. “You’ve got to talk to him, Nick,” Harry says.

Nick nods, but he’s terrified to do it.

\----

Harry takes Nick and Ollie out for lunch and then they go for a stroll in the park. Paps find them and of course some sort of cheating scandal is going to be all over the tabloids, but Nick tries not to think about that. The last thing he needs is more stress in his life.

Harry offers to babysit Ollie for the evening so Louis and Nick can have a proper talk, and Nick agrees. Having no kids around will make it easier for them – they’ll have to focus on each other and nobody else.

Louis gets home just shortly after Harry leaves with Ollie, and he looks around curiously. “Where’s Ollie?” he asks.

“Harry’s offered to watch him this evening,” Nick says. He’s in the kitchen brewing some tea as he says, “We need to talk. No distractions.”

It’s clear that Louis is uncomfortable, but he nods and agrees to talk. He hovers in the doorway to the kitchen, and as Nick pours himself a cup, he asks, “Tea?”

“Yeah, please.”

It had taken Louis months to teach Nick how he prefers his tea, but now Nick’s got it down to a science. Louis watches the way it’s so easy for Nick, to do something just the way Louis likes it, and he feels guilty. Nick’s done so much for them.

“I’m sorry.”

Nick turns and looks over his shoulder. He sets down the kettle and studies Louis nervously, because that _I’m sorry_ could be for any number of reasons. He swallows hard and braces himself, because he’s not sure what comes next.

Slowly, Louis walks over and reaches out for one of Nick’s hands. Louis’s fingers are cold and a bit clammy, and he’s trembling just the slightest bit. Nick wants to hold him, to calm him, but he doesn’t feel like it’s right. He wants to know what’s on the tip of Louis’s tongue, what comes next.

When Louis doesn’t speak for several minutes, Nick decides he needs to.

“Louis – if you don’t trust me, we need to have a serious talk about what we’re doing,” he says. His voice is gentle but his words are firm. “We’ve been together for three years and I feel like every time we fight it comes down to trust.

“I don’t know why after so long, you still feel like you can’t trust me. Especially when you do things like let me adopt your daughter, and co-sign on a house with me, and all of these other things that clearly indicate _trust_. I feel like you’re just fucking about when you don’t take me seriously, engagement or not. And I keep my mouth shut most of the time, which is seriously hard for me to do, but I don’t want the kids to see us arguing.”

Louis opens his mouth, but Nick needs to get his last bit of words out before he loses his courage. “I want you, and I want this marriage and this family, but I can’t live like this. It’s either you trust me, or you don’t. But you should know by now that I’m only ever going to do what’s best for the three of you, alright? Like – you lot are my bloody world.”

And it feels oddly comforting, having gotten it all off his chest. He’s told Louis how he feels without reserve and now it’s up to Louis. Nick’s done all he can.

Big, watery blue eyes look up at Nick in the warm lights of the kitchen, and he looks terrified. “I know,” He nods. “All of it – I know. I shouldn’t have – I mean I – ,” he pauses and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

“I only called Briana to try to help you two,” Nick says softly. “You two were clearly upset so I tried to make it better. Not worse. And I never once told her not to see Evie. That… that was her idea.”

Louis nods, because he can’t imagine Nick saying to Briana that she shouldn’t see Evie. He doesn’t know why he ever thought Nick would have the capacity to do it in the first place.

It’s not often Nick finds Louis so distraught that he can hardly formulate sentences, so he hands Louis his cup of tea and takes Louis’s free hand to lead him to the lounge. Nick moves some of Ollie’s toys out of the way so they can sit on the sofa, and then he says, “So, there’s clearly a lot on your mind. You’re getting stressed and upset. And I want us to have total honesty so… talk to me, love. I want to hear it.”

Louis frowns. “It’s not that easy,” he sighs.

“Louis, if you can’t open up to me, then who can you talk to?” Nick says simply. “I want to know what’s going on. This stress is coming from somewhere.”

“And I took it out on you. I know. I said I’m sorry,” Louis snaps. He realizes it as soon as the words are out of his mouth that he’s been harsh with Nick. Louis winces and repeats, “Sorry.”

Nick puts an arm around Louis’s shoulders and leans back into the cushions. He’s a bit hurt, so he simply says, “I don’t know why suddenly all your walls are up around me. I’m just trying to help, Louis.”

“I know.”

“So I need you decide what is going to happen from here,” Nick tells him firmly. “Are you going to let me back in, or is this it?”

“Nick, no,” Louis pleads. “I’m not like – we’re not breaking up.”

Nick sighs. “Well then tell me what’s happening because it feels like we’re back to the way we were before we started dating. Back when we didn’t get along. You’re not letting me help and you’re not telling me anything and it just… it feels like you’re shutting me out,” Nick says. “Like you don’t want me involved in your life anymore.”

“That’s not it,” Louis says. “I… I’m sorry. I’m tired and it’s all so stressful.”

“It wouldn’t be nearly as stressful if you’d just let me _help_ ,” Nick retorts, sounding exasperated.

“I _know_ ,” Louis sighs. He takes a deep breath. “I know, alright? I know, and I’m sorry. It’s all such a fucking mess in my head.”

Nick’s quiet then, hears the strain in Louis’s voice, and closes his mouth. He gives Louis a chance to try to put all his thoughts together.

It feels like ages before Louis is speaking, and when he starts, his voice sounds thin and weak, like it’s physically hurting Louis to put everything out there, even just around Nick.

“I feel like I’ve all of a sudden become someone I never wanted to be,” Louis confesses. “I love you and the kids and what we have but it just sort of hit me that I don’t do anything _fun_ anymore. I go to work, I come home, I care for the kids, and if we’re lucky we get a date every once in awhile.”

“Well,” Nick says simply. “Everything’s going to feel like that when you spent five years of your life recording and touring and doing press on all the major networks in the _world_. But I get it. I feel the same way, I guess. Not like it’s a bad thing, but just – it’s there.”

“Yeah,” Louis nods. “And like… Evie’s starting school, and I don’t think One Direction is ever going to happen again, not with Harry being such a star on his own, so like, I have to let go of that, too. And I hate my job. I absolutely despise it. I’m not doing songwriting or producing like I thought I would. I somehow got roped into all the stupid meetings and arguments and red tape and it fucking sucks, Nick. It’s _awful_.”

Nick rubs his fingers on Louis’s shoulder gently, hoping to get him to relax a little bit. “Alright, well that’s an easy fix, too,” he says. “Not Evie going to school, that’s inevitable and we’d both better take a day off of work on her first day because we’re going to be absolute soppy wrecks,” Louis laughs and Nick relaxes, “But your job? That’s easy. Quit.”

“Nick, it’s my company,” Louis says. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why can’t it be? What does Simon do for his company? I’ll bet you anything he pays other people to do the stuff that you despise, and he gets to do whatever it is he likes,” Nick replies simply.

Louis scoffs. “I’m not Simon bloody Cowell.”

“Louis,” Nick chides. “You own the same type of business he does, and your name is just as recognizable. You’re also far fitter than he is, but that’s another thing entirely.” Louis laughs and smacks Nick’s thigh to shut him up. “My point is – you’re in charge of this entire operation. I know somehow you worked your way into a job you dislike, so get out of it. You’re your own boss. Hire someone to take your place, get a contract that says you get final decision on everything but all the work getting to that decision is up to someone else, and help out wherever you feel like it. Or oversee the business and find a different job entirely. You can do whatever you want.”

Louis looks up at Nick and sighs. “You make it sound so simple,” he laments.

“Well, it’s a lot easier than you think,” Nick reminds him.

Louis is quiet, and he lowers his gaze back down to their laps. He gently reaches out for Nick’s hand and covers it with his own, the shiny ring on his finger brushing Nick’s hand, and Nick feels his breath catch.

He’s still as madly in love with Louis as he was the day he proposed, and the day they got back together, and every day he’s known Louis, really. The love has always sort of been there, the adoration and the interest in what Louis’s doing and if he’s okay, and his heart still races when they touch, even now when they’re meant to be working through things, when he’s meant to be upset with Louis.

“I’m really sorry,” Louis whispers. He leans his head on Nick’s shoulder. “I don’t know why I do this. You don’t deserve it.”

“Apology accepted, love,” Nick says as he presses a kiss to Louis’s temple.

“I wish I could promise that I’ll never do it again, but I don’t know if I can do that,” Louis admits. “But… I promise to _try_ not to… if you’ll take it.”

Nick looks down at Louis and sees the hurt on his face, the way he’s so damn worried that Nick’s upset with him and isn’t going to be alright with a promise to only try not to do it again. But Louis has done it twice now, pushed Nick away when other things were bothering him, and he’s not so sure he can prevent it from happening again.

“Of course I’ll take it,” Nick whispers into Louis’s temple. He presses another kiss there and says, “I love you.”

Louis swallows hard. “I love you, too.”

He doesn’t know how he’s suddenly become so deserving of such an unconditional love, but he’ll take it. Nick is _the one_ , and as much as Louis hates thinking such cliché things, he absolutely knows it to be true because not only does Louis not want to imagine a life without Nick, but he also can’t imagine a single other person on the planet who would forgive him for what he’s done to Nick in the years they’ve been together.

It’s quiet again, a sort of still, resolved quiet that makes Louis feel like maybe he’s done alright and patched things up, after all. Nick’s content to keep holding Louis, to leave his tea abandoned on the coffee table in favor of holding Louis.

Through the quiet, Louis utters one simple sentence that makes Nick’s heart soar.

“I want to set a date for the wedding. Like… now.”

Nick looks down and he’s met with Louis’s bright blue eyes, looking up at him hopefully. He grins and leans in to capture Louis’s lips in a kiss, and he’s missed it so much he never wants to break away. Only once breathing becomes a necessity does he pull away, and he smiles at Louis as he says, “Alright, get your phone. We need a calendar.”

Louis reluctantly lets go of Nick’s hand to reach into his pocket and retrieve his phone. He ignores the messages from Liam and Niall asking how things went, and immediately opens the calendar.

It takes maybe ten minutes for them to sort it out: they’re having a ceremony in their backyard in June, and they’re going to keep it small and private.

And finally, that glimmer of happiness is back in Louis’s eye, and Nick feels like he’s on cloud nine. They’re finally back where they want to be.

\----

The day Louis gets the post that says Evie’s official first date of school, he gets a little emotional. He’s not ready for his daughter to go off to school. He’s not ready to face how old she’s gotten, and how old that makes him.

As a family, the four of them brave the shops to get Evie plenty of jumpers, skirts, trousers, and dresses to wear to school as a part of her uniform, and she only gets mildly upset about it at first. They know it’ll be a problem, since she likes wearing whatever she feels like, rather than what she’s told.

Nick and Louis both realize it’ll be more of a struggle than even they can expect, though, especially when she shouts very loudly in the middle of the shop that uniforms are “bollocks.” They both have to fight their laughter whilst trying to tell her never to use that word again. Louis manages to fight off the laughter, at least until nobody is staring, but Nick –well, it’s not Nick’s greatest parenting moment, because he can’t help but laugh no matter how hard he tries.

Nick’s so happy, watching his little family, and he can’t believe that he really has been around in Evie’s life for most of the time she’s been alive. She’s his daughter, and she’s ready for her first day of school, and it’s a lot for Nick to take in. He knows that more important milestones for Ollie are coming up, too.

He never realized he had such a capacity to love until he became a father.

When Evie’s first day of school finally arrives, Nick nervously wakes up Louis before the sun’s even fully in the sky. “Ugh, it’s so early,” Louis grumbles.

Nick’s draped himself over Louis and started sliding his hands up and over his stomach, and across his waist, as he kisses his neck softly. “Figured you’d want plenty of tea and cuddles before the kids wake up and we’ve got to send Evie off to school,” Nick says.

Louis groans and mumbles into the pillow, “Don’t remind me.”

“I reckon we ought to wake her up a little earlier,” Nick whispers. “She’s going to fight us about those bloody uniforms. Remind me again why we chose a school that requires them?”

Louis rolls over in bed and he’s sleepy and puffy-eyed and his hair’s a mess, but Nick thinks he looks absolutely gorgeous. “Because I’m a washed up old popstar and you’re on the radio and we’ve got to send her to a place where nobody cares who we are,” Louis mutters.

Nick doesn’t think it matters all that much, in the long run, but he understands why Louis was so adamant about it. He has ever since they’d started discussing primary schools for Evie last year.

“Hey,” Louis says, smiling even though he hasn’t even opened his eyes yet. “D’you think we should record us trying to put her in a uniform this morning? Maybe she’ll curse again and we can have video proof of it to embarrass her with when she’s older.”

“Excellent,” Nick laughs devilishly. “She’s going to be annoyed with us though.”

Louis chuckles. “We’ll tell her if she puts on the uniform, we’ll switch off the camera,” he offers. "I have no idea how she’s going to react to this today.”

Nick shakes his head and says, “I haven’t got a clue.”

As he stretches in bed, Louis yawns. Nick slides his hand over Louis’s tummy and splays his long fingers out over his hip as he asks, “When have we got to leave to get her to school on time?”

Louis glances at the clock. “She has to be there in two hours,” he answers. “Let’s get up then. Come on.”

They shuffle out of bed sleepily, Nick’s joggers hanging low on his waist and Louis wearing nothing but his pants. They wander into their large en suite and brush their teeth and scrub down their faces in tandem, but without words. They’re always too tired to speak in the morning and it’s comfortable like this, just being in each other’s presence.

Louis shaves whilst Nick styles his hair back in a quiff, and then they retreat to get dressed. Both of them put on outfits that are a little nicer than what they usually wear, Louis especially. He’s wearing tight jeans as per his usual, but then decides he’s going to put on a white tee shirt and a blue button down shirt, and he rolls up the sleeves and then pushes them back down. “D’you think it would look bad if I brought her in with these tattoos all over?” Louis asks, staring at his arms as he rolls up the sleeves again.

“I’m pretty sure the staff know who you are and that you’ve got tattoos,” Nick says. “I don’t think it matters.”

Nick’s buttoning a shiny pale peach shirt as he says it, and he rolls up the sleeves without hesitation. Louis looks nervous, and Nick reaches out for his hand. “Relax. They can’t renege their admission decision just because you’ve got tattoos,” Nick says. “Everything is going to be fine.”

Louis sighs. He hates when he doubts himself like this, but he’s thankful for Nick, that he’s so patient through it all. Nick leans in for a kiss and says, “I’ll put on some tea and get Ollie awake and settled in before we battle with Evie. Unless you’d like some Ollie cuddles?”

“I’ll get him, yeah,” Louis nods, grateful for Nick’s understanding.

So Nick goes into the kitchen and puts on some tea and while he’s there, he warms up a bottle for Ollie. They have their toast and tea while Ollie holds his own bottle, and then it’s time to handle Evie.

Nick puts Ollie in the carrier on his chest, and he follows Louis into Evie’s room. Nick’s got his phone in hand just in case, but as it turns out, Evie’s as quiet and sleepy as Louis in the early mornings. She puts on the white shirt and the tights and the plaid dress without any argument. The only time she whines is when Louis pulls out the shoes she’s got to wear, but even then she lets him put them on her little feet. “Well done, Eves,” Louis whispers as he stands up, picking her up as he does.

She’s big now, getting taller, so she looks too big for Louis to be carrying around anymore, even though he does it given any opportunity.

Evie rubs sleepily at her eyes as they set her at the table with some milk and toast, and as she chews lazily, Louis pulls her soft brown hair back into a braid. It’s thin and wispy, but Louis manages to pull it into a rather neat braid that ends in the middle of her back anyway. “Are you ready for school, darling?” Louis asks once he’s finished.

It’s a bit earlier than they’d actually planned to leave, but only by about ten minutes so they won’t be appallingly early to her school, either. She nods, and she really has been excited about school, it’s just that she’s too tired to be excited. Waking up in the morning is hard for her, the same way it is for Louis. Nick loves that about her.

They settle Ollie into his car seat and Evie into hers, and she’s got her little Frozen backpack occupying the backseat between them. Nick drives, as Louis seems a bit distraught, and he finds that his own stomach is filled with butterflies.

Evie’s so grown up now, and Nick feels immeasurably lucky. He reaches over and holds Louis’s hand the whole way to the school, forever grateful that this has become his life.

Louis and Nick both manage to keep it together as they drop her off at school. Evie begs to bring Ollie in, to show him to her teacher before she gives him a hug and then says goodbye to her dads. She hugs them and rushes off to her classroom without much of a backwards glance. It stings, but Nick and Louis both understand. She doesn’t see how this could be difficult for them; she’s only a little kid.

Nick holds Louis’s hand when he hears him sniffling in the car, pleading with Nick to just stay parked for a few more minutes, just in case Evie changes her mind. He does, and he tries to stave off the anxiety he himself is feeling, knowing that his daughter is in there, and she’s going to learn maths and reading and how to write her own name, and that’s monumental. That’s something he’s going to always be proud of, seeing Evie’s accomplishments.

The car is quiet as Louis watches the front doors of the school, until out of nowhere, Ollie exclaims, “Dada!”

Louis’s eyes go comically wide and he looks over at Nick, and then to the backseat where Ollie is sitting and smiling wide, that same big smile that Nick always has on his face. “What did you say, love?” Louis asks, still sniffly.

“Dada!” Ollie squeals. His eyes are sparkling and he’s drooling a bit, but he looks happy. “Dadada!”

“Fuck,” Louis whispers. “Niiiiick,” he whines. “I’m not prepared for this.”

He wipes at his nose with his sleeve and it’s a bit gross, but they’ve raised two spit-uppy babies now so it’s really not as awful as one would think, at least to Nick.

Nick’s turned around too, watching Ollie, and he says, “You’re going to make daddy cry all day if you keep doing that.”

Ollie kicks his little legs and says, “Dada!”

Louis laughs, and it’s beautiful, seeing the two of them so excited. “Ollie, if you say dada you’ve got to say papa, too,” Louis tells him. “Say papa?”

“Pa,” Ollie imitates. He looks like he’s deep in concentration before he says, “Pada.”

“Well done,” Louis says, reaching into the backseat to tickle his toes. “Say papa?”

And if Nick ever felt like his heart could burst from too much love ever in the past, it’s nothing compared to that feeling of pride and euphoria he gets when Ollie says for the first time, “Papa!”

Now Nick’s got wet eyes as well, and he wants to scold Louis for doing such a thing when he’s already emotionally compromised from Evie going off to school, but it’s lovely, and it makes him happier than he thinks he’s ever been before. “Well done, Ollie,” Louis says with a wide grin. “Well done. You’ve made Papa cry too so now Daddy doesn’t feel so bad.”

“Oi!” Nick protests, dabbing at his eyes. “I’m not full-on crying!”

Louis laughs and says, “You’ve got a tear on your cheek. That counts!”

Nick opens his mouth to argue but finds that he hasn’t really got an argument to make. Instead, he just leans over to give Louis a gentle kiss, and Ollie squeals again in the background.

“Let’s go celebrate and take our mind off things,” Nick says as he turns back to the steering wheel. “How about a trip to the zoo? It’s a nice day today and we’ve got a few hours before we pick Evie up from school.”

“Brilliant idea,” Louis nods. He reaches over for Nick’s hand again, a habit of his when they’re in the car, and Nick steers them towards the zoo.

Nick smiles and rubs the back of Louis’s hand with his thumb as he navigates through London traffic, and he’s content. Louis finally feels like home again.


End file.
